The Truth

I am a middle child.  I am a pleaser by nature, Randy please contain your laughter!  I want to be liked.  I want to be acceptable.  I want to meet EVERY ONE'S expectations.  I want to be all that everyone wants me to be.....and I'm not.  Not even close.  I am realizing more and more with each passing year....that I can't.....and not only that but I shouldn't.....

It's been a gradual and slow realization......

I HATE to disappoint people.  It bothers me to my very core.....yet I do disappoint people-on a regular basis....
I blog too much.
I don't blog enough.
I don't call people.
I don't visit people.
I'm not a true friend.
I'm not there for people when they want me to be.
I'm too nice to some people.
I'm a kiss up.
I need to get a backbone.
I'm too about my family.
I'm too in my head.
I walk by people without talking to them.

I used to get really annoyed when people would "lovingly" point these things out to me.  I'd think.... Do they have a clue?  Do they know what it is like to be me?  Do they know what I do in a day?  Do they know where I live?  Do they know my phone number?  Why is it my job to keep up with them....

Then I started to think maybe they are right.  I am too in my head.  I am too about my family.  I do need to be more other centered.  I do need to call more, visit more, be more for everyone. 

And now....I am to the point that I realize I am not going to be what everyone wants me to be.  I wish everyone would love me....I wish everyone would be pleased....but they are not.  I am slowly becoming okay with that.  I am no longer striving to please everyone else.  It feels good-until I hear the judgements, see the eyes roll, read the comments....and then it hurts....but I'm okay with that.  I'm okay with not pleasing you all.  I have prayed.  I have pondered and I am called to please one.  Not everyone.

This is a season of my life:

God has given me a full time ministry to my family.  I stay busy with them!  Taking care of my family, educating my children, and caring for my home takes the vast majority of my time.  God has given me a heart for the hurting-so when I do have extra time or energy I like to invest it in my brothers and sisters in Christ that are hurting.  Not always who wants my time or who needs help.....but hurting people.  I like to listen to them, encourage them, and minister to them.  So most of my "coffee dates" and facebook time that are viewed by others as free time....are really times that I am trying to use to encourage or minister to people.  Then I need some time alone-or I will not remain sane!  That leaves me with not enough....

So people will be disappointed.  I will not meet every ones expectations.  I will not be the friend everyone wants or needs me to be.  I will not please everyone.  However.....I do love you.  I do wish I could.  I do enjoy the time I get with those I love and enjoy.  I have a tiny window with my younguns and I am going to make the most of it.  I hope to have a lifetime with my man so I am going to invest in that relationship.  I also have what I believe is a ministry from the Lord that I am going to invest in as time allows.Then my boy and I are working hard to keep me out of the funny farm, which he claims is a full time job :0), so I must leave margin in my life to just be..to read...to rest....to blog.......and with the little bit left I am going to savor and enjoy and relish the moments I get with friends and neighbors and extended family.  I agree it is not enough!  However it is all I've got.

Galatians 1:10
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?  Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."