Monday, April 14, 2014

Lots of Living and Learning

Well....I didn't do so good on my blog challenge.  Maybe I'll try again soon!

What a crazy, wonderful, good, sad, boring, normal, scary few weeks it has been.  Life is like that.  It can be so....complex.

Since Audrey's birthday there's been plumbing problems....

Laundry....always laundry.  It gives a rhythm to my week.  The constant ebb and flow of laundry.

Sort. Wash. Dry. Fold. Repeat.

Sisters up early working....creating....sharing life.

Boo-boos....made better

Bike races....and hills to conquer.



Causes to support..... attend.

and forgiveness to offer and accept.
Snuggles.  Lots and lots of snuggles.

Ice Cream.

A Wreak.

Friends.  Friends to love on as their lives fall apart. 
Friends to share with as I teeter and wobble and mess up. 
Friends to eat with and walk with and talk with and text. 

Dinner Club.  EAT AT THE PIT....YUMMY! 
Eat desert too....often....but run!

I do like friends.

This week brought a big brother passing on outgrown treasures.

A health scare.  Probably nothing.  Just need to make sure.

It's been a crazy week or so.  Yet I know this.  God IS faithful.  There is no need to worry.  God has a plan.  Isn't it amazing how even just the slight possibility of something can send a mind reeling!  Choosing to trust.

New understandings.
Epiphany....I love this world too much.  I do.  I love the warmth of the sun.  I love flowers bursting forth.  The smell of the salty air that whispers summer.  The sound of children laughing.  People.  I love people.  I like sweet gifts for no reason, just cause.  I like talking and visiting with my girlfriends....and cheese.  I do like cheese.  I like cheese too much. (hush Kellie and Julia)  I like whispering funny stuff under my breathe to Randy.  Making him laugh loud and inappropriate.  I like Randy bunches.  I like calling my Mama...and my Amy.  I like messages from Daddy.  I like standing in the driveway and talking to my sister-in-law neighbor and my mother-in-law.  I like understanding things I didn't understand.  I like Dinner Club.  Laughing and eating and walking and talking and planning.  I like Sunday lunches with family.  I like new friends.  I like old friends.  I like Home Fellowship.  I like sharing lives and bowing low and praying hard and new recipes. I like brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews and I like my kids.  So much.  No words.  I like it here.  A lot. 

Now don't be worrying....I'm not going anywhere or dying.  Well, I guess we all are dying.  It's funny how a little scare can get a mind to think.  We are all dying.  Every. day. closer.   There's only so much time.  Eat the cheese and the chocolate.  Stay in your PJ's and snuggle those babies.  Read good books.  Take bubble baths.  Kiss.  Run fast and hard.  Laugh loud and often.  Turn up the music.  Sing.  Hug tight and long.  Talk and listen.  Really listen.  Drink tea slow. Think.  Pray.  Tell people about what matters.  Tell people there IS a hope.  This isn't all there is.  Jesus is our hope.  Heaven is real, but so is hell.  Love people enough to tell them that hard truth.  Live loud and on purpose.  Even a long life goes fast.  So we best hold on loosely to this world and love fiercely.

The bills will still come.  Accidents still happen.  The alarm still goes off.  People still get hungry and crabby and sick.  The grass has to be cut and lessons have to be taught...and learned.  Yet I want Joy in the Journey. 

Life IS messy and sticky and sometimes you have to be tough but it is oh so sweet and good too.


Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Oops.....AKA Day 14.....

Oops....I forgot to blog everyday!  That is kind of a good title for today's blog anyway.  That was my initial reaction when we found out we were expecting Miss Audrey.  You see I was at home with 5 month old twins, and on birth control, with an ear infection and feeling very nauseous the day I found out.  I took a pregnancy test.  It was positive.  I called my friend who worked at a doctors office to ask if an antibiotic could mess up a pregnancy test.....she said no....but it could mess up your birth control.  So glad God messed up my plans!  Audrey has been the cherry on top of our family!

April 2, 2007 around 8:30 pm Audrey Faith Stewart was born.  There was no labor.  No contractions.  Just sterile, surgical, precision.  They sliced flesh and life emerged.  Small. sick. early.  It was not the delivery I'd dreamed of.  None of mine were.  I never got to just go into labor and rush to the hospital and have a baby.  Always complications.  Always an emergency.  Always drama.....Ahhh....such is life!

I didn't get to hold her....they whisked her away.  She was sick.  Fever.  Lethargic.  6 weeks early.  The doctors rushed in around 2:00 am.  Could they do a spinal tap?  Please sign here.  Yes it was absolutely necessary.  Yes it would hurt.  I scrawled my name.  I cried a little and fell asleep.  Oh, the mercy of sleep. 

Audrey spent her first two weeks of life in a clear, hard, hospital bassinet.  Needles in her wrist to deliver the necessary antibiotics.  Her arms splinted to protect her from herself ripping the needles  out.  Tubes in her nose to feed her. 

My poor baby girl. 
The doctor had forgotten to treat her for Group B Strep, I was a carrier.  She was sick.  It was an accident.  The doctor was human.  His wife and son had just been in a terrible accident.  One died the other lived....but was broken....very broken.  He was doing his job.  He messed up.  He messed up badly.....But can't we all use a bit of mercy?

Those first two weeks were hard.  Sweet Audrey had to nurse every three hours around the clock.  The nurses could feed her, but what mother spilling milk and tears and fear can let the nurses feed her baby?  What kind of mother leaves her baby at the hospital?  I should have insisted on staying.  I'd left a baby before.  Matthew.  He was dead, but still.....I left him.  There is nothing quite as terrible as walking into a hospital filled with life and walking out empty.  I should have thrown a fit.  That is what I told myself.  But I didn't.  I left.  Yet life is real.  Responsibilities are too. Sometimes you can't be everything to everyone no matter how badly you wish you can.  I had 13 month old twins at home, and a four year old, and a 9 year old.  I had a husband that had to work.  I was healing from a C-section.  So....we made do.  We did the best we could.  The schedule 5,8,11,2,5,8,11,2......

My Daddy and Mama would go and feed her each morning at 5 in the morning.....for two weeks. 
Then my Mother-in-law would go and feed her at 8:00 each morning.  I would go at 11 and at 2 and my mom would watch my other kids.  What a wonderful blessing my family, both sides, were to me!  Then the whole family, Randy and the kids and I, would go at 5.  I would go back at 8, alone and cry.  I wanted to bring my baby home!  Then those sweet nurses would feed her at 11 and 2 each night, so we could sleep and do it again tomorrow.  It's such a blur now.....but I remember that happy day she got to finally come home!  She had to pass her car seat test first.  To make sure she could breathe in a car seat for 30 minutes.  She passed!  She got to come home  April Mother-in-laws birthday....was Audrey's coming home day!
She's been healthy as a can be ever since!
Praise the Lord!

I can't believe it was 7 years ago.  How on earth is MY BABY 7?!!? 

Audrey is the absolute delight of my life.

She is cute as a button.

She is FUNNY!

She is smart.

She is a fashionista!

She is so easy to get along with. 

She adds a little bit of sunshine to my life each day!
She loves her siblings.
She loves to snuggle.

She hates rides....even baby rides....but she LOVES characters.
She has a SWEET tooth.

She is not a big veggie fan....

She is NOT a morning person.

She has a very sweet and happy disposition.

She loves to dance and to be on stage...and dreams of being famous.

She has amazing balancing skills.

She LOVES people.


Her favorite toys are definitely stuffed animals.
She makes CrAzY faces....ALL. The. Time.

She is an animal lover.  Especially dogs.

I love her and am so glad that I get to be her mom!  Her birth day was not a dream come true....but she is!