My post this morning is prompted by two things. My morning pondering and my life. I am trying very hard not to pre-post my pondering.....so I'm just going to talk about one phrase, which is very appropriate given the Thanksgiving Season.
It is from Ephesians 5 verse 20...
"always giving thanks to God the Father for everything...."
okay....so what does this have to do with me? My life? Well I can give thanks for my family, my church, my stuff, and I can even give thanks for past struggles and heart aches where I've seen God work. As I pondered this morning however.....I felt a question within my spirit that brought conviction....
Are you thankful for The Girls Dyslexia?
Well.....uh....NO!
His word says....EVERYTHING.....
How can I be thankful for something that has robbed me of hours of my life that I could be investing in other things?
I have a lot to do. Yet I spend HOURS of my day, that OFTEN seem totally in vain, systematically and repetitively teaching each and every rule of phonics.....and spelling......and quizzing on sight words. I'm not talking 20 minutes of reading instruction and 20 minutes of reading aloud....I'm talking reading everything for a third grader. PLUS phonics PLUS spelling PLUS writing.....over and over and over and over.....Can you hear how UNthankful I am?
So as I ponder why would I be thankful......I realize there are things to be thankful for.
My daughter adores me (not many people do....but she does). I like being adored. She trusts me. My relationship with her has grown to a new depth because of our struggle. My daughter IS learning to read and after her struggle the accomplishment is 1,000,000,000 times sweeter and I get to taste that with her in that we have shared the struggle. I am thankful for the TIME I have with her. I can use this time to model patience (sometimes I do....other times I don't!) I can use this time to model repentance (for when I don't model patience.) It is not how I want to spend my time with her....but nevertheless the time together is a blessing.
How can I be thankful for something that has robbed my daughter of what should be a simple pleasure of life....reading?
I'm not thankful for this being taken from her....I'm just not. BUT I am thankful for the character that IS being developed and that WILL continue to be developed. Perseverance develops character....persevere sweet girl....persevere. My prayer for her and for me is that we just keep going. One day at a time.
How can I be thankful for something that embarrasses my child and makes her feel different and stupid?
I'm not thankful that she suffers. It breaks my heart to see her try to participate in activities that require reading and she just isn't able to. I want to jump in and educate everyone man, woman, and child and explain how she is not dumb but she just has different pathways laid down in her brain that make reading much more difficult but make her really good at other things.....but really who wants to hear about all that? I am thankful that her struggle makes her compassionate. My girl loves an underdog. She loves the weak. She loves little ones. Character IS being built. I just wish it didn't hurt.
How can I be thankful for something that hurts?
It hurts to have a five year old with almost no phonics/reading instruction be able to outread your 8 year old who has had YEARS of instruction and put in HOURS of work. It hurts my heart to see Lydia reading and Sophie struggling and talk about sibling rivelry. UGH! We NEVER do reading around each other....but I can't and shouldn't stop Lydia from reading things in her environment and now she wants to read books to us and that is good and I am so happy about her.....but it is so hard for Sophie....so hard. So we talk and talk and try to understand and try to do the best we can....it is not easy.
I'm not thankful for the process HOWEVER I think I'm going to be thankful for the product. That is where I am. I am thankful for how he is using it in my life. I am more humble, more compassionate, less judgemental, more patient....so for what it is creating in me I am thankful.....but I just wish it didn't come at such a high price for my girl...
So....no I'm not thankful for dyslexia....but I do see there will be beauty from the ashes. I am thankful to God for my sweet girl. I am thankful he made her exactly how she is. If he hadn't she wouldn't be sweet Sophie. So as much as the words struggle to not be uttered because they do seem almost impossible to mean....I guess I am thankful....maybe....I don't know-I'm just not there yet. However I do see some purpose in the pain..and that helps. I am VERY thankful I have a God who uses our pain and our heartache and our struggle.
Just keep chuggin...just keep chuggin....just keep chuggin
(my daily mantra)
Kim :)
Maybe it is because I don't know as much as you or daily experience teaching Sopphie, but I am so hopeful for her!! I always just assume that a few years down the road she will be just as successful schoolwise as any other kid. Maybe that isn't as inevitable as it seems to me?? But in the meantime I certainly do pray you will keep chugging along and seeing victories of many kinds!
ReplyDeleteI hope I didn't embarrass Sophie by asking if that shape game was easy for her?! I want to understand what she is going through but I definitely don't need to talk about it with her if she finds it uncomfortable.
Holly....Not at all. I think it is fine to talk about it to her. In fact it will probably make her more comfortable with it. Nobody does talk to her about it so it probably was a bit shocking...I'm trying to help her realize she has nothing to be ashamed of I'm all for talking!
ReplyDeleteYou both are an inspiration to me. Your perseverance will pay off big dividends. I love you sweet one!
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