Do you ever get tired of the rat race? Do you find a total dissatisfaction with life in Amercia? Is it like this everywhere in the world? Does it ever seem totally pointless?
Wake up.....rush....check off the list.....rush......do all the activities....cook....clean......entertain.....run errands.......laundry......and the list goes on and on and on and on......
Why? What profit is the whole world if we lose our soul?
Randy and I saw this special on 20/20 last week about a woman who is living her life in India and providing a home for dozens of unwanted, tossed out baby girls. That's meaning. That's caring for the orphans. That is loving broken humanity like Jesus. That's something to wake up for. That's something bigger then yourself.
Wow.....now that is something worth doing......she's pouring out her life. I've read about her some and I don't think she is a Christian. I have the love of Christ IN me and what am I doing? Pouring it into my family......praying for the missionaries dear to my heart.....being nice as I can to "extra grace required" people in my path.......yep..but is it enough?......I don't think so....Often it does not seem nearly enough.
But what can I do? I have no money. No talent. No education to speak of.....lots of kids.....
Do you sometimes long for more? For meaning? I don't want more stuff....well sometimes I do....but not really-not deep down.....not at my core.
I know the purpose of my life is to know God and to enjoy him....and I do.....and I am.....and I want that knowledge and enjoyment to continue and to grow....but it seems the closer I get in my relationship to Christ the more my dissatisfaction with this world and with my American consumerism life grows.....and believe me I am an American consumer.......but here is the problem: I don't know what I have to give and to offer.
I live in America. My husband is out of work. Our lives are consumed with him finding a job. Get a job. Get a job. Get a job. Doing what? It doesn't matter....we just need money. Must have money. Bills must be paid....but really?.....our life amounts to this...He DOES need a job. We DO need money....but I don't know.....
it is sad to me that life seems more about stuff, and insurance and education and paying bills and having the right clothes and doing all the right activities....all of which are fine.....but none of which REALLY matter. Well I guess they do certainly matter....but not eternally. I don't know maybe I'm a hippy.....maybe I'm idealistic.....It just doesn't seem like enough. I want more.
Kim
PS. BUT I DEFINITELY WANT HIM TO FIND A JOB!!!! These are just my heart ponderings....and what the Lord is speaking to MY heart about!
Kim,
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, there is nothing more important for you to do right now than to raise your kids in the way they should go, and that you are doing. And do this heartily as unto the Lord, and that you are doing.
I agree that we all get caught up in consumerism, and we do need to guard against that as well as any other idols we so easily createl for ourselves.
Your India is on Fox Run Court, and you are doing amazingly wonderful for your family and for your God. If all mothers would do what you do, then there would not be so much poverty and other man-made problems in the world.
Keep the faith, and keep your shoulder to the plough. It is good to look up every now and then to see where you are, where you have been and where you are going.
Love,
Dad
Kim,
ReplyDeletethank you for sharing your heart. Your transparency is a gift.
What you are doing right now IS big!
Interestingly enough, the same world that tells us to have more, to make more, to want more, is the same world that is feeding us the lie that building a family isn't good enough, being a helpmeet and friend to your husband is menial.
If I may speak boldly to you sweet friend... I would say we mustn't get caught up in doing something BIGGER than ourselves, because it is God who equips us to face those things in life that must be faced. It is a lie that you aren't talented, educated, and that you can do less because money is gone. Its a lie and don't you believe it! :) These are things that take our focus away from the BIG things God has called us to in the midst of our own lives... not big by the worlds standards, or even our own... but big because they are what God has called us to in this time... big because He says it is...
You aren't the things you "do", nor the titles you have. You are not equal to the sum of money in your account. You are Kim, created in God's image, lovely and beautiful. Planned for... and given purpose. You ARE doing big things when you set those kiddos down to pull cereal on string, when you manage a schedule/household for your family, and when you encourage your man to press on when darkness falls.
It may not feel like you are doing these things well, or with joy, or desire, and that's OK (I have been there!) but there is value in those meals you cook, those clean clothes your family wears, that list that feels monotonous and worn... there is a deep and meaningful purpose in all these things.
God cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). I know you know this... but I wanted to tell you anyway!
xoxo
:)
ReplyDeleteDefinitely feel this way a lot but of course your dad and Kellie are right!
ReplyDeleteBTW, just got internet and am enjoying catching up on your blog. Laughed so hard at the part about Audrey sucking her toe. Can't believe about the Crocs thing! Good to hear of Sophie's success!