So today is not a 2:00 AM freaking out blog post but rather a 4:45 this is why I ponder post. I woke up again and I've had enough sleep but it is still a bit early and in the stillness of the moment I became overwhelmed with our life. Randy doesn't have a job. He doesn't have a good lead on a job. So I think....maybe I will just send the kids to school and get a teaching job. They will all be school aged next year. The baby will be in kindergarten. The twins will be in first grade. The girl will be in fourth. The boy will be in highschool.....it would be fun. It would be exciting. Then I start to freak out. The baby, twinkie girl, and the boy would all do very well. HOWEVER the number it would do on Twinkie boy and The Girl......oh my word.....would not be good. As my mind wonders.....I begin again to FREAK OUT. I am reminded again of my inadequacies. I am overcome with the enormity of the task at hand. Then quietly in my heart I hear a truth...."as long as it is today." What in the world? Ahhhh......my pondering. The Lord is faithful and this is the best part of pondering. When fear creeps in and doubt comes and when the flesh tries to make sense and fix and solve problems too big to be solved alone....the Lord is so faithful.....this weeks pondering is about holding onto convictions and the deceitfulness of the heart. It is about encouragement to keep going for "as long as it is called today." I don't know if I can do it tomorrow, next year, forever. I do know that the Lord has filled my cup today. I do know that for the portion before me today he has given me the grace to handle. I am so grateful to be pondering truth as I walk/crawl/muddle through this leg of the journey. I am looking forward to a different segment of the path but I am so grateful to not be going this leg alone....that is the point of pondering. When life gets hard/overwhelming, and it will.....the truth is stored up and it will come forth and it will be enough....because he is enough.....and it helps as you keep plodding along. That is why I ponder.....it doesn't make life easier but it does make it more palatable....
Happy Tuesday!
Kim
If I ever need a publicist to get my blog national attention then you're my girl. Glad you've enjoyed the pondering. Funny how the right passage seems to pop up at the right time.
ReplyDeleteGlad the Lord is comforting and teaching you through his word in this challenge! And don't mean to make you sad, but when I saw the picture of Sophie on the porch from your other post, it was small on this iPod and I thought, "who is that pretty teenager?"
ReplyDeleteAlso would never want you to send your kids to school if that wasn't the best for them and the Lord's direction, but I sure would think it was fun for our kiddos to go together! Would be fun to homeschool together too though:). Whatever God wants, right? Just fishing for more time together:)