I can't believe it is a new year! I have a half written Christmas blog and a half written year in review blog....and haven't posted in a long time....and now it's time for the New Years Resolution Post! I'm so behind with other posts and my heart is so filled with other things.
I'll say this....this year was once again not what I expected. We started out the year with Randy still hunting for a job and a lot of unanswered questions. Here we are a year later and Randy has a new job that he loves. We are members at a new church....which I NEVER foresaw happening. We have lost touch with relationships that I thought would stand the test of time and we have developed close relationships with people I once considered acquaintances. It's funny looking back and seeing how little we really control. My life script it very different then I would have written it, yet I LOVE where we are and who we are becoming. Has it been painful? VERY. Has it been worth it? Without a doubt. (Sorry I'm laughing now because Andrew and Randy get a kick out of when I ask myself questions and answer them for myself too :)
Another HUGE change this year has obviously been the physical changes in our lives. Randy weighs almost 70 pounds less then last year and I weigh 56 pounds less. Who would have thunk it? Yet even with all this my heart is breaking.
I'm losing my Granny. She has lived a long, full, life and is a believer. She is sick and she is suffering and she is ready to go home. Yet I don't want her to leave. I love her. I don't know if it will be days, or weeks, or months, but the story of her life is ending and it hurts. She is a saint. Every memory I have of her is precious. She is a kind and steady soul. A rock. And my Papa, her husband of 67 (I think) years, is still doing well physically but he is changing. Dementia is an ugly disease. Those two have taught me about love, hard work, struggle, faithfulness......and I don't want to say goodbye.
My heart is not breaking only for Granny and Papa but also for Randy's sister. Some heartaches hit too close to home....and this is one of them. It has been a ROUGH start to the year but I KNOW GOD IS FAITHFUL. I was sharing some of my heart with Randy the other day and how I long to have resolution. I want everything to be okay. I want to deal with things and move on. Yet as we talked I remembered.....there is beauty in the ashes. A quick burn....just leaves a scar. The journey of losing.....painfully.....often slowly losing.....is where there is enough burning to create ashes and the beauty comes from the long burn. The beauty is in the ashes. Life is painful. It is hard to understand. Glad I know truth. Anxious to see it revealed in God's perfect and sovereign plan. I pray even now for soft hearts and that I will be a good student. I want to learn the Master's lessons well. This one.....hurts.....bad.
So sorry for blubbering...... my heart is often healed through the pouring out on these pages. Thank you for indulging me. SO....on to my resolutions.....
1. To better train my children in healthy and holy disciplines. These are three fold. First to manage money well. I want to intentionally model saving, tithing, and healthy spending for my kids and I want to give my children their own money to practice saving, tithing, and spending themselves. Secondly, I want to teach them to exercise. I want to model working out in a healthy way and encourage (or require) that they also spend a portion of their day exercising. This can be basketball practice, dance lessons, bike riding, swimming, jogging, jump roping, JUST DANCE.....really anything that makes them sweat. I want them to see the fun and enjoyment they can have while caring for their bodies. Thirdly, I want to model and require personal devotional time for my oldest two. I want this to be short and sweet. I want them to spend time building their own relationships with the Lord.
2. To read the Bible to my children. In its entirety. It may end up taking more then a year. I do not want to be legalistic. However I do want to do it. I can think of nothing better for them to hear. I do not want them to leave our home without hearing the whole of Gods word. I want it to be a balm to their souls and a measuring stick for their lives. I want them to know the truth. The truth will set them free. My vision involves this taking place at various times while drinking Sugarplum Fairy tea. Because tea is just good and encourages slowing down and lingering I want to slow down, linger, and feast on God's word and I want them to hear it from my mouth to their sweet ears. Let it never be said that my children did not hear the gospel.
3. To feed my family better. I want to eat a lot less fast food. Except periodic Friday's at Chick-fil-a, cause that it just good for the soul. I want to feed them less processed foods for breakfast and lunch and make more foods from ingredients. I am good at doing this for dinner but lunch is often a hot dog, frozen pizza, nuggets and breakfast is often frozen waffle's and sometimes even pop tarts.....I want to do better.
4. Continue to take care of myself. I feel so good physically and mentally. I don't ever want to go back. The journey ahead is long. But the road behind me is long too. I love feeling good. I love shopping in regular stores. I love running. I love being happy. I love endorphins.
So life is not peachy. My heart is breaking. But I am proud of where I am. I am changing and the changes are good. I feel good physically. I am growing spiritually. So I'll take it. Who in the world knows what 2013 holds. I am so glad to know that anything that happens in 2013 must first be filtered through the hands of a sovereign, loving, Savior and King who will ONLY allow what is for my good and for his glory. He is good. Even when life is not.
Glad you put Fridays at CFA in there. 2013 is going to be another great adventure.
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