My Sister Stacy's Story

I am honored and humbled to welcome my sister Stacy to my blog.  Today's post is her story in her own words.  It is a sad story of hurt, heartache, and healing.  It is the story of a sin marked world and a merciful Rescuer.  Stacy is 18 months older then me.  We are polar opposites.  I've enjoyed sharing life with her and I'm proud that she wants to share her story here.  So this is my sister Stacy in her own words:

 

"Appearances can be deceiving.  To us humans, God’s ways do not always appear good or loving.  We all have our own examples, our own hardships, tragedies, questions for God.  Whether we believe in a God or not, every person who has lived any length of time on this earth has wondered how this/that could be good or right or beneficial.  I am no different.  The past year has brought to light so many insecurities and questions and challenges in practically every area of my life.  Some events were exclusive to 2013; others were only brought to the light for various reasons this year, but “happened” decades ago.  Very few people know “me,” the “real” me.  And I’d say that probably even fewer know “my whole story.” 

Part of my story began the summer of 1995, my junior year in college when I was sexually assaulted by four guys.  Why did God allow this?  What was the point?  I’ve commonly heard, “why do bad things happen to good people?”  Every question you can think of, I can assure you, I have asked.  Why do I bring this up nearly 19 years later?  In part, because I never dealt with it until now and this is part of the healing process. 

Let’s fast forward to 2013.  In January, both my mom’s parents died within days of each other.  I was unable to attend my Papa’s funeral due to a commitment to go to India on a mission trip.  In February, I had knee surgery number four, which meant no crossfit for a while.  My aunt died in the spring after a long battle from cancer.  In May, Clayton King & his wife preached a sermon at the Summit.  It was on rape.  It hit me hard, to the core.  Just a few days later, a good friend said our friendship needed a break.  In June, I had shoulder surgery, continuing to keep me out of the gym for basically the remainder of the year.  Then you can throw in the mix my mom and dad both had surgeries during 2013, I sold a house, moved in with a friend while my new one was being built, I started going to a counselor, and too many other things to list.…  I guess you can call it an “eventful” year.  I call it one of the, if not THE, toughest years of my life, yet best at the same time.

Everything I had come to rely on had been taken away from me.  No working out.  No turning to friends for help or feelings of worth.  I began to slowly learn Who I needed to turn to.  And this didn’t happen overnight.  It first began out of pure necessity, for my own sanity.  As I began to immerse myself in bible study, counseling, small group, and now in a mentoring relationship, God slowly began healing my very broken heart and mind.  God is good.  He is worth it.  He is not religion.  He is relationship.  He is in the business of restoration: to Him and to others. 

I really wouldn’t trade my ‘past’ for anything…now…looking where I’ve come from to where I am now.  No, everything is not perfect.  No, all my questions haven’t been answered.  No, my friendship hasn’t been restored.  But God is working.  He is changing me.  He is growing me and restoring me.  I am learning how to talk about my past and present.  I’m learning that I don’t have to be perfect.  I’m learning to lean and trust completely on God, not people.  I’m learning I am a work in progress and that God cares for me and forgives me.  Through all of this, He has drawn me into closer relationship with Him.  I had spent decades avoiding things, avoiding Him.  I have learned that counseling is a very good thing, godly Christian counsel.  I have learned that others need to hear my story.  Others may be able to relate.  Maybe they can be “freed” from years of bondage.  God can restore anything and everything.  It doesn’t mean we will understand everything, but we can trust Him to walk with us through it.

Had 2013 not happened as it did, I very well may have continued on appearing to have things together and under control and hidden.  That is no way to live.  It is hard being open about traumatic personal events.  It’s hard admitting I am a sinful person with struggles that has caused a good friend I care about to not trust me.  Life is hard.  Things are still tough, but I know that God is healing me as I work through & deal with everything.  It’s been a tough, bumpy road…sometimes circling back to the same old habits or coping mechanisms…but all in all, I am being drawn closer to God.  He is Lord of my life.  He is my one true desire.  Nothing and no one is more important.  So I thank God for allowing everything He has in my life.  He is perfect, and loving, and my God.  I cannot imagine going through all of life’s hardships and joys without Him.  I am so thankful He didn’t stop pursuing me, that He continues to draw me closer to Himself.  He is so patient and kind.  He will continue to be with me as I continue to walk through life and all the challenges and joys it brings."

I love you Stacy and I am so proud of you!