The Father Load

So I write here primarily about my life, my kids, my role, what the Lord is doing in my life.  HOWEVER one of the main purposes I write is to leave a record for my kids.  I want them to be able to look back when I am gone and not just have pictures and memories and maybe a few birthday cards.....but a record.  I want them to know how much I loved them in my own words.  I want them to know my heart for the Lord and the journey of life and the ups and downs.  Not because I think I have some great wisdom to impart but simply because I don't ever want them to wonder.  I am not good at speaking my heart and so I write.  In this writing process I have become better at vocalizing my heart but it is still not an area of strength. I think words spoken are important but they can be forgotten.  They can be remembered differently then intended. They can be taken out of context.  So this post is another one for the record:

I want my kids to KNOW that I love their Daddy. I want them to KNOW that I think he is an outstanding father.  I want them to KNOW that I think they are sooooooo blessed to have him in their lives and that not everyone has been so blessed.  I want them to appreciate what they have been given in Randy.

It has been a rough 6 months for Randy.  He has had lots of emotions and felt the squeeze of life.  When life squeezes you-the inside becomes apparent.  No Randy is not perfect-but he is wonderful.  During this time his heart has been revealed. 

He has a heart for his God.  He has a heart for his wife.  He has a heart to provide.  He has a heart for his kids. 

His influence has been wonderful for our boys (and girls) over these last 6 months.  Particularly Andrew.  Kids need their Dads.  Not just money.....not just a ride here and there.....not just someone to enforce discipline.  They need a relationship.  Dads have so much pressure and so much pulling on them and so little time.  Randy has always been a great Dad.  He has always made time for our kids and they have always had a close relationship.  When Andrew was a little boy he used to want to change his name to Randy Jr.  He adores his Dad.  He still beams when people say he's just like his dad.  My kids all adore their Dad.  I believe one of the biggest blessings of this time of joblessness has been the enormous amount of time Randy has been able to pour into Andrew.  We would not have chosen for Randy to lose his job.  We are anxious for a new job.  However I see the fruit in Andrew from this time Randy has had extra time to walk throughout the day with him and to teach him.  It is not easy being a 13almost 14 year old boy.  Randy has been good for him.  He is sooooo much nicer then I am.  He extends sooooooo much more grace then I do.  He listens better.  He judges less.  He is much better at basketball and video games, and algebra, and Spanish.....and the boy needed that.  He is funnier and shares an interest in females and an understanding of the male brain, which is a total mystery to me!  Randy can correct him and deal head on with areas he struggles with in a way that brings redemption rather then condemnation.  Randy has that boys heart and his ear because of the investments he's made into his life.  For that I am eternally grateful.  He can reach him and teach him and lead him in ways I am not able.  What has been a loss to us financially has been an investment in Andrew on his journey to manhood.

I am seeing glimpses of the man Andrew is becoming....and I like what I see.  I am not foolish enough to think that he may not stumble....I KNOW he will.  I KNOW that kids can make dumb choices in an instant that can affect the course of their lives.....I am so thankful for grace and for the gift of prayer and for forgiveness and mercy beause my boy will need them just like his Mama and his Daddy have.....I am thankful for the Heavenly Father....because there will be holes...no earthly father is perfect!

However I am thankful that even in the tough hard times of life my husband is a man who loves his children and invests in their lives and that I can watch and learn how to love them better by his example.

So kids.....when you look back and read this one day.....I want you to KNOW that I love you.  I love your Daddy and I think he is the BEST Dad on earth and you are the luckiest kids to have him!  I also want you to KNOW that when the world doesn't make sense God has a plan.  "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives"
Genesis 50:20


Love,
Mama