So how are you....Really? How's Kim?
That is a question I get a lot. I usually answer with..."I'm fine" or "busy" or "we're good."
While these are true answers,because we really are fine and busy and things are good in the bigger picture...we are all healthy and together and love each other....but they are not totally complete answers....
I am frustrated. I'm frustrated that Randy doesn't have a job and he's been looking so hard. I'm frustrated that he's spent his entire career in the building industry and it's virtually non-existent and so at 36 with 5 children he has to "start over" and try to find a new career. I am frustrated that I can't help out financially while he is looking because of the lifestyle we have chosen. I am frustrated that several of my kids have learning issues. I am frustrated that I can't just go shopping...I know it's shallow...but it is true.
I am discouraged. I don't know how to "fix" this. I don't know how to make it all better. I don't know what Randy can do that he isn't doing. I don't see an end. To me that is discouraging. Not seeing when it will end. Not knowing how long it will go on. Not seeing results.
I am sad. I want sunshine and roses and ease. I want Randy to have a job that is fulfilling and enjoyable and in Durham. I want my kids to be able to read and speak with ease.
I am angry. I feel like we are being punished. I feel like we are in a situation and we don't have any control. I feel like my daughter works so hard and is doing so well and yet everything is hard for her. It makes me MAD!
I feel like quitting some days. It seems too hard. Too long. Too boring. Too pointless.
I feel like there are too many needs for me to meet and I'm just out of what it takes to meet them.
So that is why I say I am okay. To give a full answer is just TMI. I am okay. My feelings are just that feelings. I tell my kids feelings matter, they are important, and it is good to share how you feel....HOWEVER feelings do not equal truth. So glad I know the truth even when I don't feel it!
But that is how I am....
Trudging through life, Clinging to The Truth and looking forward to better days!
Kim
Sweet Kim,
ReplyDeleteThis post reminds me of the Shunamite woman in 2 Kings 4. Elisha had prophesied that she would be given the son she had so longed for... and he grew up and she loved him dearly until he fell with a headache in a field and was gone. Soon after the Shunamite runs to find Elisha. On her way to him a messenger sent to her aide asks how she is doing? She replies, "Everything is all right." and without stopping continues to find the man of God who so willingly spoke Truth into her life.
I always struggled with her reply - Everything is all right - because everything was NOT all right. But she had a focus... and so do we.
You are doing it, you are awesomely aware of your circumstances and you are pressing forward to the God-Man, who has a plan and purpose, even when it is impossible to see.
The mark of a wise woman is one who takes her troubles to Christ himself, and points others to Him while she does it.
There is a time (like todays post!) for sharing the deep things of the heart that must be worked through if we are to move forward. But there is also a time to focus on God and just speak of His simple and profound Truth: With Christ everything is all right.
Keep up the good work friend... and know that I am praying for you.
xoxo
Life is tough. . .and it seems that way, the older we get, as day-to-day problems exponentially take on a life of their own. . .all I can say to encourage you is what you already know, Kim. It's not a quick fix. . . and it's certainly not easy. . but cling to Jesus and let Him know everything in your heart.
ReplyDeleteEven when Randy can't share in things that are too painful to talk about, the Lord can. And He will. Seriously, a relationship with Jesus is the only thing that will keep a person from the funny farm--
Try taking the offensive mode instead of the defensive--Praise the Lord with music, read His thoughts aloud from the Word, talk to Him aloud--and especially when a discouragement does hit you. The Holy Spirit will reward you with spirit hugs and peace that yes, HE IS IN CHARGE and HE HEARS.
It seems like these trials may last forever. . .but they won't. Keep expressing to others what you feel, because that's good and healthy. . and keep returning to the Lord for His comfort, one day at a time. Even when you feel you really are at the very tip-tip-end of your rope, He will enable you and help you climb out of that pit!
Continuing to pray and watch for God's answers!
Jean
What good advice from your sweet friends. It's so good you know the Truth! He is working even though we may not see it from this vantage point, but it doesn't change the truth. He is faithful and you are not an orphan. He knows your needs and will supply every one of them! Hold on tight and remember He is holding onto you! He knows when you rise and when you sit! Every detail and He loves you. You are not forsaken. The devil would like you to think you are, but my dear sweet one, you are not! He will prove Himself faithful in your life! Count that as truth, because it is!
ReplyDeleteThinking about you, Kim. Thanks for being honest and giving us "too much information."
ReplyDelete