Still Sad

I'm missing Granny today.  I can't believe its been almost 6 months since I've seen her.  I miss her voice.  I miss her jokes.  I miss her hugs.  I miss her spark.  I miss her rocking up to stand.  I miss her cards.  I miss her presence.  I just really miss her. 

I'm not sure about this growing up business.  It is painful. 

I keep telling myself: They (Granny and Papa) lived a long life.  They are believers.  This is just part of living in a fallen world.  I know all this.  Yet I still miss them.  It still seems tragic to me.  I don't think I'm very good a losing people.  I still cry. I mean....they were in their LATE 80's.....death is part of life.  I knew it was going to happen.  Yet it still hurts.

I've been questioning the purpose of life a lot lately.  Time is so short, even when it is long.  What is the best use of that time?  Making memories?  Enjoying?  Holding tight?  Letting go?  Investing?  Investing in people?  Investing in loved ones?  Investing in the lost?  Investing in Eternity?  What does that look like?  How do you live life on purpose?  How do you do it all the time?

I've had some late night anxiety over losing others that I love.  The kind that catches your breath in your throat and causes your heart to skip a beat.  Breathe.  Deep.  God is in control.  I can't handle it....what if Randy gets hit by a car on a run?  or has a heart attack...they run in his family?  what if Andrew gets in a car accident or Sophie get kidnapped or .....and on and on and on it goes.  Yet the truth is....His grace is sufficient.  Truth.  Think truth.  Know truth.  I must be in the word.  I must be anxious for nothing.  He cares for me. 

Now don't get me wrong.  I'm good.  I'm not a walking around basket case all day every day.  I just have moments.  Moments I need to be reminded to seek truth.   Moments I break.  Moments of tears.  Moments I wonder.....

Yep....growing up is serious business.