It's been a sad week for our church family. It started on Sunday with an announcement from our beloved Senior Pastor that it was time for him to step down. Our sweet Pastor has led our church for 23 years (I think that is right). He is a Godly man and he is a good man. I believe he is following God's leading and so I agree with him that it is time....but it is still hard. Losing someone you love is never easy. He became my pastor when I was about 14 years old. He was present when Randy purposed to me in front of the entire church! He performed our wedding ceremony, He came to see each of my children when they born, He ordained Randy as a deacon. He buried our sweet baby Matthew. He spoke God's truth into our life on a regular basis. He prayed for specifically for our oldest son Andrew and for him to develop leadership as he became a man. He baptized Andrew. He was present and participated in a Knighting Ceremony for Andrew. He has invested in my family and in me and I am going to miss him!
Goodbyes are hard.
As I was busy processing this loss I was caught totally off guard.....I received a call from a precious girlfriend early Tuesday morning that Joan had died. Joan is another pastor at our churches wife. She has been battling pancreatic cancer for about 7 months. She had come through chemo and surgery and things were looking good. We were praising God. I thought we had seen a miracle. I thought she was going to defy statistics. I was not expecting that phone call. I was devastated. Not just for the personal loss of a godly, humble, sweet lady and not just the loss to our church of a sweet servant but for the loss to her family. I can not imagine. I wish I had words to comfort them or a magic wand to take away their pain but I do not....BUT
This Much I Know.....
1. God Gives and God Takes Away May the Name of the Lord be Praised. God does what he wills when he wills but it does not change God or his worthiness of our praise. This was such a hard and painful lesson for me after losing our sweet baby boy but it is a verse from Job that God gave me during that time and it became an absolute Mantra/Life line for me. It reminded me regardless of how I felt that God deserved my praise.
2. God's Grace is sufficient. I remember feeling I could not survive and about 1 year after losing our sweet baby I realized a whole year had gone by. It was all a haze and it was all foggy and I didn't know how we had gotten through that year and how I could move and function but I know now it was only God's Grace. He poured it out on me through his word and through his people. It really is enough....alone and without anything else his grace IS enough.
3. I learned that I don't know what God is doing and I won't understand all the whys but it is okay to ask why. God could handle my questions. He could handle my pain. NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ASKING WHY. However....we will never fully understand why. I heard it explained as all of our lives are like a beautiful masterpiece tapestry and we only see the small piece in front of us and while we can see some of the beautiful work that Christ is doing we have no way of being far enough removed to see the entire beautiful masterpiece God is creating through all of our stories.
4. I learned that God is good ALL the time. That is easy when life is good but that is one hard pill to swallow when life is collapsing around you. However God gently and lovingly taught me that His character does not change with my circumstances. OUCH!
5. I learned that people say really stupid things when your hurting....but I also learned that people do it out of love and a lack of knowledge NOT out of trying to be mean.
Pain hurts and this life is full of real pain and real hurt and real suffering. I am so glad that I have a God who works all this pain for good. I don't understand it and I don't always feel it.....BUT I know this much is true.
I love you all and am praying for you.
I posted this originally one year ago today. I went back and read it today. It is good to be reminded of truth. This has been a hard 12 months for my family. We have had The Girl being diagnosed with dyslexia. We have had Randy's job loss. Grandaddy died. We are dealing with a lat of issues surrounding that. We have had a lot of unknowns....a lot of heartaches.....a lot of loss.....however the God I wrote about 1 year ago today.....is still on the throne. He still loves me. He is still in control. I love that the Lord is steadfast. I love that he doesn't change. I love that he is using this time of loss to sanctify me. He is drawing junk out of my heart that I didn't even know was there. Ugly sin. He is purifying me....so, so, so far to go.
I was listening to a song this week that has been ministering to my heart:
| In the morning, when I rise In the morning, when I rise In the morning, when I rise Give me Jesus. Give me Jesus, Give me Jesus. You can have all this world, Just give me Jesus. When I am alone, When I am alone, When I am alone, Give me Jesus. Give me Jesus. Give me Jesus, Give me Jesus. You can have all this world, Just give me Jesus. When I come to die, When I come to die, When I come to die, Give me Jesus. Give me Jesus. Give me Jesus, Give me Jesus. You can have all this world, Just give me Jesus. Give me Jesus. Give me Jesus, Give me Jesus. You can have all this world, You can have all this world, You can have all this world, Just give me Jesus. Happy Thursday! |
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