Keeping A Rein

Oh my word......being a grown up is hard! The older I get and the more I walk with the Lord the less I know!  I have been wrestling......with difficult issues lately.  Personal.....heartbreaking....life changing issues.  Issues that are not political in nature.  I actually am not trying to be a political advocate in any way, shape, or form.  I'm just trying to live out my faith in all areas of my life.  My faith matters to me a lot.....my politics and yours matter to me very little-that is between you and the Lord....you do not need my help!  I'm dealing with issues that ask questions like......

1.  How do I reconcile the Lord's perfect, unchanging, inspired, law with his radical, unfathomable, life wrecking, grace?  He came to fulfill the law not to change it.  He also ate with sinners.....he KNEW PEOPLE and did not cast stones.........PRAISE JESUS!  Yes he instructs us to go and sin no more.....but that came AFTER the relationship.....not before.  He washed the feet of his betrayer. He touched the leper.  He redeemed broken lives.  PRAISE HIM!

2.  Does God call me to stand as a light for his principles (YES) or does he call me to get into the messy details of a sinful world and rub skin with the lost and offer love rather then judgement? (YES)  He is love and HE is also a righteous holy Judge.  What is my job?  How do I fit in his plan?  How do I live both with my feet on the hard clay of this world?

3.  Why be radical?  I am a 36 year old, Bible thumpin', mom to 5, daycare provider to 2, educator of 5, wife to 1, maid (although I can't recommend my cleaning services-they are VERY lax), cook, chauffeur, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, blogger, picture taking, memory making, disciple.  I'm flat worn out!  What is the point of caring?  Why do I even think about the universal church?  I don't think normal people do that.  Why don't I think more about cute shoes or clothes or hairstyles.  Why don't I care about normal girl stuff.  Why can't I just be a normal girl?  I don't have time for this!  What on earth does the Lord want from me?  Why do I have to be burdened with details like reaching the lost?  Caring for the poor?  Why does it matter to me if the church is focused on missions and orphans and grace?  Why does it matter to me more what the lost think of the church then what the insiders think of me?  It takes too much time to care.  It takes too much work.  Can't I just go along to get along?  Why can't I just shut up and nod.

4.  Lord....what do you want?  Where do you want me?  How come this world is becoming so dag gum uncomfortable?  How come church is becoming uncomfortable?  What is church?  Is our church who you want her to be?  What is my role in that?  Can I be an agent of change?  Am I a stumbling block? 

5.  What is a surrendered life?  It's scary to surrender.  What if his plans don't match mine?  What if it doesn't pan out?  What if we get all crazy.....and.....it backfires? 

So I'm dealing with this mess.....and the Lord gives me James.....
verses like:
James 1:26-27
"If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.  Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
James 1:25
"But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom and continues to do this not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it-he will be blessed in what he does.
James 2:15-17
"Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food.  ff one of you says to him. "Go, I wish you well: keep warm and well fed, but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?  In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."
James 3:17
"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure: then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere."
James 4:11-12
" Brothers, do not slander one another.  Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it.  When you judge the law, you are not keeping it but sitting in judgement on it.  There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy.  But you-who are you to judge your neighbor?
James 5:7-9
"Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming.  See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains.  You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near.  Don't grumble against each other, brothers or you will be judged.  The Judge is standing at the door!
James 5:16-18
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.  Elijah was a man just like us.  He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years.  Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced crops."
James 5:19-20
"My brothers if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death, and cover over a multitude of sins."

Oh James.  The Jew.  The lover of the law.  The brother of Jesus.  The show me your faith.  The rein your tongue.....I think that may include pen in my case :) .  James......you are indeed wrecking my life.  Life was simple.  Life was good.  Life was daily.....and now.....I have to put skin on what I believe.  Why does this Gentile girl keep getting mixed up with Jews who mess with my head, my heart, my life?  UGH!

Oh Lord help me!
Kim