What do I hunger for?

So I've just finished Week 2 Pondering Passages....

Our memory verse is:
Matthew 5:6
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled. 
(I typed it without looking :)

I haven't read what Shay has written yet...because I want to write about what the Lord has revealed to me before reading his post.  But plan to read his as soon as I post this because it's always so good.

The thing I kept coming back to this week....was the same question...What do I hunger and thirst for?  What do I long for?  Am I filled?

I hunger for.....a vacation somewhere tropical without kids and with a big book.
I hunger for.....quiet.
I hunger for....a nap.
I hunger for......a shopping spree.
I hunger for.....my kids to be nice to each other.
I hunger for....an evening out with adults....and adult conversation.
I hunger for....time away with Randy.
I hunger for.....a clean house...that stays clean.
I hunger for.....a 15 passenger van...without a van payment.
I hunger for.....a break.
I hunger for.....a body like I had at 20.
ummmm.....I think that's it....
Oh yeah and righteousness....  :/
I mean righteousness sounds good....but do I hunger for it?  Not so much!

Am I filled?  Am I satisfied?....again...not so much.
The Lord has been showing me through pondering this passage perhaps the reason I am not filled or satisfied is because I'm hungering after the wrong things.  What I long for is not bad but it is also not the best.  So much of what I want is to be left alone, have a break, look good to the world.....but how selfish and shallow is that?

As much as the world tells me I need to make time for myself.  I deserve a break.  Me time is important.  God says something very different.  I am to model self-less-ness....not selfishness.  I am to give.  I am not called to seek a life of comfort and ease.  But I am to pour myself out, as Christ did, as a drink offering. 

So I am challenged not to seek a break or a vacation......although nothing is WRONG with these things....BUT I am challenged to begin to seek righteousness.

What is righteousness?
As I studied what this word meant.  I discovered it is very closely tied to justice.  Justice means doing the right thing.  So it is simply following the ways of God.

I am to hunger and thirst for following the ways of God....that will fill or satisfy me.  As nice as a grown-up tropical vacation would be, or quiet and well-behaved kids would be, or a 15-passenger van....or the body of a 20 year old..or_______fill in the blank......I still wouldn't be filled!  I still wouldn't be satisfied.  I would always long for more....something else.....

So my prayer this week for myself and my fellow Ponderers...has been that we/I would be filled with nothing less then Christ.  I pray that He would turn this wondering and lustful heart to the things that truly satisfy.  I pray that I would long for righteousness....hunger for it....thirst for it.

2 Other things that also struck me in the passage but to a lesser degree then the biggie....were...

1-in Matthew 5:1  The disciples came to Jesus and he taught them.  It occurred to me that the Lord wants to teach us.  He is available to us.  We only need to come and sit at his feet.  I am the reason I don't grow in my walk with the Lord.  He is always there and always willing and ready to teach.  Am I being a disciple?

2-After pondering the entire passage over the week I was struck, afresh, with the knowledge that God thinks very differently then I do.  He calls situations blessings that I would not.  He has an entirely different economy and perspective then I do.  PRAISE THE LORD!

Amazed at this Savior-
Now....Gotta run....It's time for me to read what Shay has to say!  FINALLY!!!
Shay's Blog
Kim