Change!

Change seems to be the theme of my life these days.  I must be frank and tell you: I pretty much HATE change.  I am very happy with stability, sameness, ordinary, uneventful, steady life....and yet my world is changing.....and changing on many fronts and in many unsettling ways.  I honestly feel it all a bit (or more) disorienting.

If you follow my blog you probably have heard of many or most of these changes....but in case you don't here is a recap:
1.  Our churches long time, much loved pastor is "retiring" after 23ish years.
2.  Our churches AWESOME youth minister and his AWESOME wife are "leaving" to be missionaries in another country.
3.  My parents moved from my childhood home to a new house.
4.  My BOY is about to be a teenager....and this seems to me to be a whole new ball of yarn.???!!!
5.  My GIRL is changing curriculum from a "regular" reading program to a "special and INTENSE" reading program for children with dyslexia.
6.  My TWINKIE BOY is not improving  at a pace I like with his apraxia (a speech disorder closely related to dyslexia....ugh) so I am changing to some alternate methods of therapy in addition to his speech therapy.
7.  My lifestyle habits....eating and exercising....are continuing to change.  I was doing very well and have gone through a bit of a slump as of November and am once again trying to recommit.

CHANGES ABOUND.....I think changes can be good....but still.....they are just so different.
I guess my main issue with change is they open me up to much unknown......What if I don't like the new pastor? What if my parents house never feels homey? What if the youth minister isn't mature enough? What if THE BOY makes bad choices? What if THE GIRL doesn't learn to read? What if THE TWINKIE BOY is never able to speak clearly? What if I never lose weight and get healthy?......what if, what if, what if....
WHEW....

TRUTH!
Psalm 25:3
"No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame"

I think it also is just work.....getting to know new people, trusting new people, being vulnerable with new people.  Most people would probably think I'm outgoing.....but I'm really just loud.  I actually am very hard to get to know.  I trust slowly and open up even more slowly.  I genuinely like people and am interested in people but I am also exhausted by people and slow to trust and truly KNOW people.  When I invest in a relationship it maters A LOT to me.  So all these new important people that will be coming into my life and my families lives....scares me!
Also I kind of am in the groove with parenting little people.  I've been doing it for a while now and things are going fairly smoothly....but teenagers....the stakes are going up....WAY UP. 
MY BOY is an awesome kid.....but he is a kid.  All the sudden he is asserting himself and changing and growing AS HE SHOULD.....but now mistakes (like spilling his milk because he wasn't paying attention) can turn into tragedy (like wreaking his car because he wasn't paying attention).  AND bad choices (like calling his sister a mean name) can turn into life altering events......PRAYER.....is becoming much more real to me!

TRUTH
Psalm 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?

I feel so divided....between meeting the needs of so many people, including my own health and spiritual and personal needs.  I've got one shot.  I so want to give it all.  I want to leave it all on the table.  I want to hold nothing back.  I want to give it my best....and yet.  I feel so unable and ill-equipped.  I feel life speeding by and wonder if I can keep up.  So much changing and so fast!

TRUTH
Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

I always get this way at the end of a year as a new year approaches.  I do like fresh beginnings.  New crayons (with nice sharp points).  New play-doh with that fresh smell.  New books (that I can promptly break the spine of :)

TRUTH
Praise God that HE NEVER CHANGES (Hebrews 13:8) He is the same yesterday, today, and forever!  I need some sameness (and saneness :)
AND HE CAN MAKE ALL THINGS NEW!

It is freeing to know that I don't have to be perfect or do perfect (because I can't) and that He does provide enough grace to cover over a multitude of sins and mistakes: for me, for you, for my children and yours! 
So as this year closes out and I reflect on the year behind and the year to come I'd say it's been a year of change....but it has been a good year.  I look forward to a NEW year and can't wait to see what God has planned for me and my little family in 2011.  I have a feeling it will involve CHANGE :)
Love,
Kim